So how important is it to be able to communicate? For the first 26 years of my life, commumication was difficult. I had athletics trials for Millfield...boy I was fast....but no way was I able to run away from my speech problem! I have a stammer. During 26 years, I tried to hide for the fact I had speech problems, scared to admit it to myself and others.
School life was soul distroying. I loved football, would avoid going to away matches as I would have to sit on the school minibus and someone might ask me a question. How would I answer? I would think of words that I could use to replace B, D and G words as I knew I would not be able to say them. When a phone would ring I would hide, I would never in my dreams be able to make a simple call, like phone to make an appointment for the Doctors!
Work was tough too. My year as a YTS plumbing trainee was hell. I make the tea and sat in my shell. I learnt nothing I asked nothing. I left that job and worked for Tesco. I avoided words and sounds but somehow managed to get a job stacking shelves. I avoided staff and customers and felt shame, guilt and self hate. I would not be myself, I was always running away from my stammer, scared to face it.
I tried therapys and nothing helped...I felt I had no future and no life.
Then came that change. And I can honestly say, the best thing that has ever happened to me. Mum breaking her leg taking the dog for a walk, changed my life. She was laid up at home, reading a magazine and found an article about the McGuire Programme. My brother Chris, also has a stammer and she asked us both to attend a Open Day with Mum and Dad in Swindon. My first thought was, no way, no way, im not going, it wont help me, nothing will. Chris wanted to go, so after nagging, I was told to join them. I went to a Open Day and saw videos of people before and after the course. Yes there was a change and yes their stammer was bad but no, I still could not see how it would help me. Chris was keen to try a course so I went along, Scheptical, negative, and embarissed....but I went.
The first day I felt I tried hard but no, I could not see it help me. I would not have an open mind. Thursday night after the first day I sat in my room debating whether to go home or stay. My room mate, told me to have faith and Chris was sounding good but I found it hard to get used to the breathing and speaking slower, pausing etc.
On the Friday late afternoon something clicked into place. Wow what a feeling. I felt I could say words with more confidence and control. I felt I was making progress. The more I focussed and worked hard, the more I took control of my speech. All the training I was taught helped me get stronger and I was learning how to control all words and sounds. On the Sunday we had to give a going home speech. Looking back to the Wednesday night and Thursday, there is no way I would ever of thought I would be giving a speech on the Sunday. But I did, and I did amazing. I felt proud (this is making me emotional now typing this, bringing back such courgeous memoroes) and I felt I had a future.
On the Wednesday night I drove to Swindon seperate from my brother as I thought I would be driving home on the Thursday as it would not work and I could save money. So I had to drive home alone after the course. Half way to home, I had to stop on the motorway. I cried and cried, could not believe this last 4 days had happened to me. I was determined to never go back. I was determined to be proud of who I am. I was determined to be honest and open about my stammer. I knew I was not cured. I still know I will never be cured. But I had been given the tools to take control of my stammer and it felt liberating. I make a deal with myself that I would work hard and follow the directions and use the amazing support network the McGuire Programme offers. I knew I was not alone and that now I can get advice from people who tought me on how to keep moving forward in my recovery. Something that struck me was that all the courses are run by recovering stammerers and they know what its like to stammer and struggle with your speech as well as move forward. That helped so much to reassure me when on the course. At last after 26 years I was proud to have a stammer and be able to control it.
I went back to Tesco, did a presentation in front of the managers. Speaking slowly but with control, building the foundations of my speech as I knew I was learning to speak again. I spoke on the tannoy and phone at Tesco and I set myself goals to be a manager at Tesco. Within a year I had reached that goal, moving to a larger Tesco store and working as a Grocery Manager, supervising over 30 staff. I then left Tesco as I did not want to work for them and went travelling to New Zealand for 8 months as I knew I could now!! My life had changed and the future was bright!! Wow what a feeling.
Since then I have been qualified as a youth worker and also help give something back to the amazing McGuire Programme by helping others with their speech. I knew a big part of my recovery was the support I was given. I have been on the programme 8 years now and its been 8 years of moving forward. My recovery has been helped by the support of my family, my brother Chris, my ex girlfriend Carly and my lifetime McGuire coach, Martin Coombs. I will always be grateful to have Martin (Bill Bottle) as my coach as he has imspired me and given me confidence to reach for the goals and meet them. I thank you all from my heart.
I now have control of my speech and my life!! There is light at the end of the tunnel and I AM STUCK....NO MORE! LIFE IS NOW FUN.
For more information on the McGuire Programme visit www.mcguireprogramme.com
